This post is about misses. Not about the balls I've failed to hit at tennis, not about the targets I've never met. It's about the relationship between me and a whole lot of others whom I love and miss dearly.
SNSJ. The uniformity and unity, the dashing around. It changed my perception of camps; to the point that every single camp becomes one about puntuality and precision for me. The visit back to St Nicks on Monday didn't do much to toss me back into the crazed cadet's life. I think I've become too withdrawn. An ex-FA NCO who's since forgotten CPR, an ex-zone competition leader who's since forgotten footdrill commands. I can never forget the change parades and the draining stand-by-bunks, but somehow, I can't imagine myself in the act of doing so again.
Maybe I've grown up too fast, scoffed and scorned at past deeds I once immersed myself in. Sneaking out late at night used to be such a joy; the triumphant me creeping back in without the parental units aware. I now sicken of late nights. I've partied too hard, stayed out too late, gone too far. Everything's changed so much in the span of 6 months. Nothing much seems to excite me to hyperventilation nowadays, and maybe it's time to really take a step back. Study.
That's what Haan's been up to, hence declining to meet up today. Us 02 people seem to be drifting, looks like our frequent predictions are fast becoming reality. Predictions shouldn't be made for laughs I think. We hung out at Newton, pigging out on all that hokkien mee, stingray, sugarcane juice, popiah, ice kachang, satay, carrot cake. [I like listing food; makes me feel happy] Somewhat like the good old times. Just that dinner ended alot sooner, and didn't drift into supper like it used to. I got home before midnight.
Tonight will be spent lying in bed and listening to Ladytron. Good old self-reflection time, something that hasn't popped by in awhile.
I wonder if Dippy gets such time aside for himself. I'm adjusting to the fact that he won't be around for me all the time. Sometimes I wonder if he's been secretly adapting me to being used to him in army. I'm treating this period as one of those where he goes into Workaholic Mode and ceases to contact me until he's done with his job, a big one at that this time around. Protecting the nation, protecting you and me.
That was cheesy.
12:28:00 am
